December 24, 2015
(To Heaven and Back Again series)
(To Heaven and Back Again series)
There aren’t many details in the Bible concerning the internal struggle of the chosen prophets of God. Elijah asked God to take his life (1 Kings 19:4) and Jonah ran from God, but what was it like for Moses, Jeremiah, or even John the Baptist as they waited for their first assignment? Not much is said beyond their initial “who me?” protest. Many church leaders believe that those in leadership need to appear strong and confident before their congregation. By now, you know I have been transparent in who I am – strengths and weaknesses.
The presence of God is always, I mean ALWAYS with me. My stomach always seems tense. Turning my thoughts toward Him produces tingling in my arms, sometimes spreading to my whole body. I am not quite sure what God wants me to do with it… all I can do is wait and see.
The Hardy family continued their Christmas tradition. We stayed up until midnight on the 24th and
then opened our presents at the beginning of Christmas day. I crawled into bed about 1 am and God seemed to be calling me to meditate – it wasn’t strong, but it was there.
The gentle waves began cascading through me. I was excited, overjoyed. “Yeah! He is calling me to Heaven! A perfect day to show how much God loves the world.” My heart was so enthusiastic, almost in tears at the thought of spending Christmas with Him. As soon as I became overjoyed at the possibility of going to Heaven, strong, determined waves begin falling, faster and faster. I pulled away… was this God – it was so strong?
I was up talking with God until 6 am Christmas morning. “Talking” is not quite accurate. Weeping, arguing, being frustrated… yes, that is what really happened. One week left… is it really this year? I have been wrong so many times – it really seems like I may be wrong again. My mind insists that I have been wrong one too many times: this time, being wrong could be the end… Prophets who are wrong are no more. “You will have the shortest job of prophet in history – three months and you screwed it up,” my mind insisted.
Maybe those strong waves were Him. Maybe I should have tried to ride those out? My emotional state of frustration kept me from trying again: It is impossible to worship God with your emotions out of control. Now I really felt like a complete and utter failure. It was Christmas and I couldn’t even answer His call!
The next morning, my husband let me sleep in until noon. When he came to wake me, I soaked his shoulder in tears for a good hour. Tony is a good man. He listened and held me, then said, “I don’t know how to fix this. Maybe you should watch one of your programs – they seem to always have what you need.”
These thoughts were not from God. He is good, kind, and He has helped me each step along the way. He knows me better than I know myself. He didn’t set me up for failure. Through Him we can do all things!
“In Jesus’ name: Satan, take your hands off me!” I commanded, “I am protected by the blood of Jesus and you are trespassing! In the name of Jesus by the power of His blood and the authority of the Word of God, I bind every unholy spirit – the spirit of failure and worthlessness – and cast you out.”
A weight I didn’t know I was carrying was lifted off my heart. Later that day we were discussing the reason for the season and I got to explaining to my girls how important it is to read the Word of God and know exactly what it says:
The reason we have sin in the world is because Eve added to what God had told Adam: “but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” (Genesis 2:17) (NIV)
Either Adam added something when he spoke to Eve, or she added it when she was talking to the
serpent because she told that old devil, “God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.” So when the serpent convinced her to touch the fruit and she didn’t die, she probably decided eating it wouldn’t kill her either.
After relaying the story, the Holy Spirit reminded me that the night before He kept encouraging me to look up what I wrote: what God actually said. Now I know why! Confusion and misunderstanding comes when we fail to look at the exact words He says. On January 4th of 2015 the Holy Spirit said:
“This is you. Many will believe at first because of what you say, then many more will believe once they have spoken to Him, too.”
Then Holy Spirit declared, “Amen” when our pastor said, “This is the year.”
“This year” my mom, my sister, my husband, my daughters, and Craig and several others have all believed because of my words.
“Then” means after this “following” or “next.” Does it have to be this year? God does have some wiggle room. I shook my head, “You would think I would have learned by now to take it one step at a time with God and not leap ahead! I assumed that they whole thing would happen this year, but it looks like it was only started this year.”
I should have considered this when I felt that God was telling me what is on the heels of my return from Heaven – the Great Depression that will come after His glory is poured out. I should have taken a closer look at what He has said at that time: Why would He tell me there were things connected to my trip to Heaven, that was why He was waiting to start the pouring out of His glory if it was going to happen within six months?
But it has been a long road: Fifteen years of following Him. I was eager to assume it was coming to a full manifestation. God’s revelation has relieved the pressure of it having to be this year; I can once again rejoice and worship much easier.
Monday, January 4th
I was still unsatisfied with the answer I had felt I received and continued to struggled with God. Early this morning I prayed, “Holy Spirit, I was so sure that it was You – the Bible says we KNOW His voice. The story I was reading when you said ‘This in you…” was about a woman who spoke to Jesus at the well, in person. I haven’t yet spoken to You, so exactly how is this the beginning of the fulfillment what You said? I don’t want to be disrespectful, but I don’t see that it is fulfilled, even a little bit, yet.”
A idea, not even a full thought occurred to me. Something was started this year: God called me as His prophet. “So you are saying that it was started this year by calling me as Your prophet?” I ask God. Getting no answer, I start the day dismissing this line of thought because I was expecting to go to Heaven and speak with Jesus – that was what the Holy Spirit said… wasn’t it? Surely all this is just my minds way of justifying what hasn’t happened.
When I settled down with my coffee, I really wasn’t in the mood to hear more about God, but my finger clicked on the Sunday morning service from Eagle Mountain Christian Church anyways. Someone stepped forward to speak in tongues with this interpretation to follow:
All of my glory, all of my goodness, all of my presents – my greatness is upon you now. My greatness has been released to you now. I've told you to walk in greatness: to step up into a level of greatness so that you can step with me, walk with me come and see me working it all your affairs, in all of your dealings, in all that you put your hand to do. Have I not said that in that day the sun will be darkened and the moon shall be turn into blood. That has happened – that has taken place – in that great and awesome day of the Lord. God is telling you that you have stepped into the great day of the Lord. God is telling you that you have stepped into the greatness, stepped in to the new level, you have stepped into the flow of great. The Lord, your great God, has said come walk with me in greatness. Get ready for your great day.The line “God is telling you that you have stepped into the great day of the Lord…” draws my attention. I replay the interpretation again. “God called me as His prophet right after the eclipse and before the last blood moon of the triad,” I think. “I have and continue to have the intense awareness of His presence inside and all around me.”
Thoughts about why Jesus was rejected drift through my mind: They were not expecting Him to come to free them spiritually, they were expecting Him to come with an army as a conquering hero. Am I doing the same thing?
Perhaps I needed to know about my official title as a Prophet before I spoke to Jesus… And starting this year, I am his prophet. An angel appeared to Craig to confirm that I am His prophet. My back was healed in response to my inquiry, not when I returned from Heaven, but now… I am His prophet NOW.
Unwilling to take any more leaps, I call Mom and ask her opinion. She agrees that Jesus not appearing in the way they expected was part of the reason why they rejected Him. She also reminds me that the prophecies concerning Him didn’t get fulfilled all at once, but are still in the process of being fulfilled.
A sureness settles into my heart. “This year” it has begun. God didn’t say it would all be completed this year, but this is the year it starts. I repent and apologize for not understanding sooner – I will not be like those who rejected the fulfillment of the prophecies because it wasn’t what they expected.
God uses all things for our benefit. This experience has really shown me the danger in interpreting what God says. In the future I will be very careful to consider each word and not rush into what I think it means. To wait and see what He is talking about.
There are three things that I am absolutely sure of:
1. God spoke in an audible voice, “I bless you, miraculously, financially,” in 2001
2. God wants me to visit Jesus in Heaven. Many will believe because of my words and then many more will believe because they too will speak to Him. This was verified by: visions sent to my mom, the healing of my sister, and a meeting with my guardian angel, Richard
3. God has appointed me as His prophet, a witness for the soon return of His Son, Jesus in 2105 beginning the fulfillment of the time when many will believe because of my words then many more will believe because they, too, will speak face to face with the Lord in Heaven. The calling as a prophet was verified by: the Holy Spirit telling me I was the ‘witness’ Jesus told Jesse Duplantis about, the miraculous healing of my back, and an angel speaking my name to Craig
As this new year begins, I wait patiently for God to tell me what to do next. I will not move until I am just as certain about my next step. I focus on doing what God has set before me – being the best mom and wife I can. My next entry may not come for a while.
The energy tightening in my middle with the tingling in my hands and arms when I think on God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit seems to build even when I become overjoyed at other mundane, normal things. The fact that it keeps building every day is comforting. It seems to me that God is still with me, that the trip is still on. It has begun!