Thursday, February 19, 2015

How Hard do You Need to Push? - January 11, 2015

Church the next morning is difficult – I am too tired to even enjoy the worship. Despite the lack of energy, my hands and forearms still tingle. After Sunday lunch with the family I take a brief nap. By that evening I’m ready to try again.

This time I am determined. The call to action is still tingling across my arms. After worshiping, I focus with laser-like precision; I want to join my Lord in Heaven. Nothing else is important: not my husband beside me, not taking a breath…only one thing exists, my desire to be in Heaven with Him.

The pushing surge of energy begins after a short period of worship. It increases quickly, building in intensity. I completely ignore what it seems like my body is doing, knowing that it is only my inner being moving. Soon it seems like my body is inches off the bed with each renewed thought about going to where my Lord is.

As the next surge of energy pushes outward, the muscles around my throat constrict. The surging outward push reminds me of throwing up but the muscles in my neck are so tense that I couldn’t take a breath if anything was on its way up, it would be stuck there.

I push away the feeling of wrongness. The next surge is equally disturbing as the sensation lasts longer and is intensified. I open my eyes. This cannot be God’s way to Heaven!

God is powerful, able to heal our bodies. I’m pretty sure that He can do this without depriving us of breath.
Unwilling to give up, I decide to meditate only without forcing the issue. Sleep comes before I get anywhere. Waking the next morning with tingling hands, I spend time thinking and praying about what happened the night before.

I thought God was calling me to Heaven, so I tried to get there. I strove toward it with all my might. What was the last thing God said to me: “Keep practicing until it’s time.”

When I got a glimpse of Heaven, what was I doing? I looked it up in my journal. There was no pushing, just the surge of power. Perhaps I was trying to have an out of body experience on my own. Maybe it would have been harmful, even fatal. I did ask the Holy Spirit to correct me strongly and loudly so I wouldn’t go astray…It seems I shouldn’t be pushing toward anything – even the Lord. It is in His time, not when I think it should be.

“Maybe I don’t have to include this bit…maybe I should just take all the pushing stuff out of the posts?”

Later, I speak with my mom about it. “It needs to be in the book in case someone else starts down the wrong path,” she tells me.

I sigh, “Man! I really thought I wouldn’t have as many mistakes in this part of my journey… it was embarrassing enough last time!”

I guess I know why God introduced me to my guardian angel, Richard. At this point, without that confirmation, I would seriously be considering whether going to Heaven was what God wanted at all. As it is, now I feel like I am back to square one, August 9 – the day I met the huge, powerful, straight from His throne, angel God sent to protect me. (Read that story: Click Here) Nothing like going in the wrong direction for four months!

If you want to go to Heaven and speak to Jesus, I hope you will benefit from what I have learned this day. It isn’t up to us. We can’t rush it. Ask Jesus for an audience, then diligently seek Him, worship, and wait.

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