As I got comfortable for the night, my thoughts speaking to the Lord aren't exactly respectful: “What's up with this? All day today your presence has been surrounding me and now that I'm here, ready to meditate, You don't even call me? I thought we were practicing for Heaven?”
Silence surrounds me. The Big Guy offers no guidance.
“What's different from right now and earlier today?” I ask myself. “Well, I was worshiping and His presence surrounded me. But right now I don't FEEL like worshiping. I am so tired of waiting! It's been over a year...”
In a flash of insight, a supernatural gift from the Holy Spirit, I see myself, my actions, in a whole new light: It is like a kid who knows that you have bought them an Xbox for Christmas, yet throws a tantrum when you walk by the video game aisle in the store because they want the game NOW!
My heart crumbles and my attitude changes. “Lord, I am so sorry. This is your gift, I will try to be more patient. You know, I always thought that the reason You were so often frustrated with your disciples was because they had not yet been given the Holy Spirit; of course, they were a little slow to comprehend things. But I have been actively working on listening to the Spirit for fourteen years and still I throw a tantrum, acting like a spoiled child.” The presence of God tingles across my body, letting me know I’m on the right path.
Thinking about this a bit more, I add, “I just don't understand what You are waiting for. I know that visit Heaven will be the beginning that will help so many!”
Tears cascade down my cheeks. Into my mind flashes the dream I had many years ago: in part of it I saw tent cities across the nation as thousands upon thousands were homeless. This is connected to the trip to Heaven? This is all tied together? Unable to deal with the information I’ve just been given, I whisper, “Tony, are you sleeping?”
“Huh?” He rolls over. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been talking to God. I really don’t like what I think I’ve heard…” Tears are coming faster now, a steady stream, “Can I talk to you about it?”
My husband nods. In short, quick terms I explain what I understand about events being connected to His greater plan. “So let me get this straight…you’re upset about something that might happen when the first thing, going to Heaven, hasn’t even happened yet?”
“That’s just it, Honey. I really believe God is answering my questions about why it’s taking so long to go to Heaven. Do you think I should still go even if it means that there will be a domino effect leading to another Great Depression?”
Tony applies logic to my emotional response, “You said that you are just trying to do what God wants, right?” I nod. “And it is Jesus who is bringing you to Heaven?”
“Yes,” I reply, knowing I can’t get there without Him.
My husband concludes, “Then what happens is on Him, not you. He’s the one in charge, not you. If it is tied to a world-wide event, then it is His will and His choice.”
Giving him a hug, I say, “Thank you, Honey. That really helps.”
Tony rolls over, going back to sleep. The fierce tingling that I’ve taken to mean He is calling me to practice descends. Laying on my back, I attempt to relax into meditation. Thanking the Lord for granting me wisdom and worshiping Him, power flows from my head to my shoulders.
Again, the scene of tent cities flashes through my mind. Tears spill over my cheeks as I think once again about the kids who will be without a warm bed. “Lord, the night before You went to the cross, You prayed so fiercely trying to avoid it that You sweat blood. Give me this night to morn for what is coming: for those who will suffer.”
The tears ease and I begin to hear Him speak once again, “This is why I helped you create Agape (uh-ga pei) Assistance Association. It is to provide for people during this time.” (The story about Agape Assistance Association can be found in Angels Believe in You.)
This helps me get more control over my emotions. “So You are providing for Your people like You did with Joseph in Egypt.” The basic details flow through my mind:
God sent Joseph two dreams in which he saw, in essence, his brothers bowing down before him (represented by sheaves of wheat). Joseph’s brothers already resented him because their father favored him, so when Joseph told them about these dreams, they sold him as a slave.
For the next fifteen years Joseph went through many trials, but eventually he came to the attention of Pharaoh. Joseph became the second in command of all of Egypt. God guided him to store food during seven years of abundance for the seven years of famine that would follow. (Find the full story of Joseph here)
“You sent him dreams and You spoke to me when you sent me a vision. Why didn’t you tell him about the famine when you sent the dreams?” I ask.
The answer comes in a soft thought, “He was still a teenager – still a child. Today you decided to stop being a child. Joseph found out about the famine when he needed to do something: save the surplus food for the famine.”
It’s hard to miss the similarities to my journey:
1. 2001 – God speaks, saying, “I bless you…Miraculously…Financially,” and gives me a vision
2. I’ve been struggling for 14 years trying to figure out when God’s promise will come to pass
3. 2009 – God helps me create Agape Assistance Association to give kids a warm bed
4. 2014 – God tells me that He wants me to visit Jesus in Heaven through meditation.
5. 2015 – God tells me that a Great Depression will fall upon America and Europe around the time I am visiting Heaven.
“Lord, when did you know your journey would lead to the cross?” I ask. The answer comes, “When I was no longer a child. This is why my mother needed to prod me to begin my ministry at the wedding (His first miracle where He turned water into wine). I knew where it would lead and wanted to wait as long as possible.”
“Man, I totally understand that,” I think, “Suddenly I’m in no hurry to get to Heaven. Not that I don’t look forward to seeing you, but it means the time is approaching where so many will lose everything! I will be ready whenever you call, but there’s no hurry. I now have all the patience in the world.
“I’m glad you warned me about what is to come, but I can’t write about this in my blog” I tell Him, “People will think I’ve got delusions of grandeur or that I’m just one of those crazy end-of-the-world doomsayers.”
“Some will read it and believe. For some it will be too late, but for others this will sound an alarm and they will prepare: cancelling their cable, their cell phones, saving every penny to pay off all their bills or make a nest egg. When it hits, they will not be on the streets.”
I sigh, knowing that if it will help one family I have to write it. They thought Noah was crazy for building the ark…I suppose I will be in good company.
The next day, I am still struggling. It’s hard to find joy in anything when you know that so much suffering is not far off. A good friend of mine. She has enthusiastically supported me through this crazy journey.
“God uses everything for the good of His people,” she tells me.
As soon as I hear those words things click into place. God isn’t causing the Great Depression, neither is my trip to Heaven. We are in a period of grace – God poured out his wrath on Jesus and isn't punishing us! The world has grown greedy. People are abusing their power. The collapse of the economy is going to happen anyways. God knows what is going to happen and He is setting up something to help His people!
First, God will show his grace and mercy by bringing people to Heaven to see the glory Christ has for us.
They will be sent out across the world to bring hope to those in need. Then, when the economy collapses, Agape Assistance will be there so that I can use His financial blessing to help provide for people.
This is the God I know. He is filled with kindness and compassion. He is our provider.
Why Doesn't God Speak to Me?
Eager hearts cry out, hoping for a single word to confirm that He hears us. Yet, many times the only sound is silence. Over the years I have heard several reasons why God speaks to some and not to others. One night, as I tossed and turned, I brought each of these reasons before the Lord, stating why each of them did not line up with who I thought He was.
Words rose from my soul, pleading for Him to reveal why He has remained silent when a single word from Him would mean so much to so many. For the next few hours, God used things I learned about years ago and things I had just discovered to show why He talks to some and why He doesn’t, and in demonstrative ways.
In His grace, He also showed me how people could hear more from Him. Basic instructions on how to hear more from God and how to be led by Him are included in this book. Thank you for taking time to consider the answers I received and share with you now.
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